А теперь моя очередь. Как житель англоязычной страны, внесу несколько изменений:
The howl of alarm signal rocked the entire ship. Through the puffs of smoke, grinding of metal and creak of decks, cries of pain and fear, captain’s words were transmitted by the communication system. “Abandon the ship! Abandon the ship! All crew, leave the ship immediately!” His intense voice filled every passage, every module, every cabin… But it was too late. The ship was seized by the immeasurable power of gravitation. The fire was increasing. The crew tried to stop the expansion of chaos but all in vain. They were starting to panic…
The bridge crew was deadly calm. Their faces lighted by the control panels didn’t express anything at all. Only absolute unnatural calmness… Maybe in front of their eyes pictures of their lives were appearing and changing: their close friends, families, wives, husbands, children, parents… Maybe, maybe… Then the oxygen cylinder exploded. The explosion mortally wounded the chief engineer and threw him across the bridge. Engineering staff has been reporting damage status. But captain was too far away from his doomed ship and he couldn’t hear anything.
The uncontrolled ship had entered the atmosphere of the planet and the temperature inside was starting to grow. Atmospheric whirlwinds started destroying the structure of the ship. Left warp nacelle was torn off and thrown in outer space. The force of gravity has been growing and the ship, like a meteor, started to fall rapidly. The ship was facing her death. The power of friction was skinning swarms of wreckages from the scorching hull and streaming them into the space.
No one could survive in those conditions. The crew was already dead and the fire consumed every room, every passage, every module…
Two minutes later the flash of the quantum explosion illuminated the landscape of the alien world.
Вот так. Поправил грамматику и немного подправил стилистику.